I took my kid to seaworld yesterday. between the brutal san antonio sun and the one-too-many beers (“one is perfect, two is too many, three is not enough…”), we sat and watched young trainers in ridiculous wetsuits work with the dolphins and beluga whales and orcas.
yujun was thrilled but I was busy not tearing up. something about those sea animals just rips my heart out. I realized that, since I was young, my dream job has been to be a marine biologist, to swim with dolphins, to work with them and learn about them and share their lives.
this was a little funny and ironic. here I am, someone who is doing what they most want to do, following their talent, yada yada yada. when really what I want to do is run away to the circus (and god knows seaworld is a circus) — or at least a respectable life in a small research lab in the caribbean or something, working with dolphins.
it’s not that I don’t dream (along with everyone else) of what it must be to have a voice like aretha or adele, or stand up in front of fifty thousand people singing my lyrics back to me. I still have music fantasies. but the idea of warm water and dolphins is very seductive.
just goes to show you the grass is always greener. how does one learn to accept — to want — what one has? to burrow deeper into who one is instead of always wanting to escape into what one isn’t?